By Thais Regina
Being in a relationship is meant to be something pleasurable and that makes you feel good. The problem is that sometimes relationships become toxic and have a number of consequences for people. To understand more about this topic, we talked to psychologist Caroline Busarello Bruning (CPR 12/08776). See more below:
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What is toxic relationship?
Caroline explains that “a toxic relationship involves trying to manipulate, control and isolate another person. It is a relationship in which there is no bond of respect, but in which one person commands and the other is subjugated ”.
She adds that “in an abusive relationship there is a frequency of behaviors, becoming a cycle of abuse. We just need to be careful not to think that anyone is toxic because they made a mistake. In fact, what defines whether she is toxic in a relationship is not the error, but the way she deals with mistakes ”.
8 signs of a toxic relationship
Okay, now that you understand a little more about the subject, with the support of Caroline, we are going to show signs that can characterize that a relationship is not healthy.
- Control the person: “Control, based on jealousy, the way she dresses, with whom she goes out and even the money that the person earns, check the things she does on the internet and question, making the other understand that there is no privacy because they are in a relationship.”
- Swearing: “The person calls you an idiot, an asshole, sick, stupid, ridiculous, or even words that are even worse. The intention is to make the other person feel bad, guilty and fall even more in control of the toxic person ”.
- Decrease your achievements: “When you get something you really wanted, instead of congratulating you, the other person gets jealous and says“ oh, that’s great, but you can’t forget that ”.
- Maximize the problem of the other: “A toxic person can reinforce a person’s characteristic or problem to make him ill. For example, if someone likes to eat a lot (and feels bad about it), the other person may say “I like to go out with you because you like food so much and always find a good place”. In these cases, if the person says he did not like it, the other person says that he is doing drama ”.
- To threaten: “I don’t know what I’m going to do if you do such a thing”, always puts the person in a situation of extreme anxiety, stepping on eggs. “
- Silence treatment: “Hours, days, weeks, without exchanging a word with the other person to punish for something.”
- Always try to turn the tide: “Is the famous gaslighting. Whoever does this wants the other person to doubt attitudes and mistakes in the relationship. ”
- Criticism disguised as praise: “When the person even praises the other, but does it in a way that the control is evident. For example: I know that you are good, but it is not enough to achieve such a thing ”, concludes Caroline.
How to get out of toxic relationship
The psychologist explains that “it is important to know yourself: to know if you have a tendency to be too empathetic, to know if you are afraid of being alone or even suffer from the imposter syndrome. Understand if you are not very clear about your personal limits and even do too much for others ”.
In addition, she also states that “it is important to learn about toxic relationships, because many people think it is normal and only understand when others show how abusive the relationship is. It is difficult to get out of these relationships, for example, when we have bad beliefs about relationships and what love means ”.
Finally, Caroline adds that it is important ”to know what an acceptable relationship is, to know what type of relationship you will tolerate. Therapy is very important in this whole process, to get to know and see what needs to be adjusted in the relationship, if it is a healthy relationship, or if there is no adjustment and it is necessary to end it. ”
We know that identifying whether a relationship is toxic is not an easy task, but we hope that this article will be able to clarify some signs and concepts on the topic. In contrast, see our text on the signs of a healthy relationship and understand everything about it.
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